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Toronto - A City High on Parking Tickets?

Oh, I'll say! As would most, if not all, of the suckers out there who drive in and out of the city daily. And I bet they'll agree with me strong when I say the war on the driver has gotten a little out of hand in Toronto. Seriously. Gone are the days when people are able to park their cars for a quick stop in peace. Be it for an emergency washroom stop or a much needed coffee run, today's drivers are haunted by those damn ticketing zealots who've been patrolling the streets as if cars are about to go out of style any day now. And just as well as parking in the city has become quite the mental health gamble. Stressed out of our minds, we’re running our assess off like idiots; spilling coffee all over our good clothes; knocking out strangers; and tripping over our feet - all in an effort to stop the inevitable. Indeed, more times than not, we're arriving just as that magical yellow paper is being placed on our windows. Other times, we're arriving just as the ticketing zealot and a tow trucker are hashing out a plan to oust our vehicles from the streets. That'd certainly be what happened to me back in the summer of 2006 when I made a fateful stop at the College and Yonge intersection for a quick coffee run.

From what I can remember, it was a sunny afternoon, a day that I had passed with relative tranquility. I had taken the day off from work to run some errands, so I was in an exceptionally good. As it happened, I was driving east on College street when I decided to make a quick stop at the Tim Horton’s coffee shop on the south west corner of Yonge street - you know, the one by College Park. Anyway, the street was fairly empty and there appeared no ticketing zealot in sight, so it seemed like a good idea by all accounts. So, I pulled to the right and quickly ran into Tim Horton's. I must have been in the shop for no more than five minutes - six the most, when I came out to find my sister's car being hooked onto a tow truck. I ran to the car like a mad woman, of course, but was relieved, nevertheless, as I had arrived just in time to stop the tow. Phew, that was close, I thought, as I explained the car to be my sister’s to the trucker. He listened patiently, even if his face offered no expression. I then went on to ask him – graciously I might add - to unhook the vehicle. My request would fall on deaf ears though as the trucker would present me with two rather disturbing options: either pay 50% of the towing fee for the unhooking here or pay the full price at the garage. Completely and utterly illogical I thought, so I put my best arguments forward. It was a matter of a two second unhooking job, indeed, so I thought my request to be a reasonable one. Not when his livelihood depends on it, it isn’t. I must have been speaking to him in Amharic cuz the dude wasn't hearing or understanding a word I was saying. All his face seemed to be saying was that you're gonna pay b%$& one way or another. And all I was saying was hell no as I began shouting in good earnest.

Five minutes into our rumble, a bit of a crowd had formed, most pleading with the trucker on my behalf. One older lady in particular - God bless her soul - was even more upset than I was, demanding that he unhook my vehicle immediately. She'd been there before no doubt as she was spouting "this is ridiculous, these people are out of control" left right and center. But he wasn't trying to hear nobody - he wanted to get paid, plain and simple. And if that meant towing the car, then he'd be all set for it. My loss would be his gain, so he was like: bring it. Except that one of the observers knew something only understood by the trucker: he wouldn't be able to do squat with a person sitting in the vehicle. So, at the advice of a knowledgeable observer, I did the unthinkable: I jumped into the hooked car and called checkmate, turning the whole thing into quite a dramatic standoff. The crowd would swell greatly, most (I swear) shaking their heads in disbelief, and insisting that he unhook my vehicle. I guess it's a story everyone can relate to, except maybe the trucker who, furious, would mumble something about me going to jail. But I would pay him no mind: I had the crowd behind me! But he had the law behind him as a police car with two officers pulled up beside me some five minutes later. Oh, how that hurt. You can pretty much guess what happened next as the game came to a sad end by that point. No, I didn't go to jail, although it was certainly one of the options that were presented to me. And maybe if the negotiating officer wasn't quite the empathetic soul, that would have been the case as I was truly overwhelmed with anger. And you know when you're that upset, rarely are you thinking straight, so I'm just lucky to have ended the drama with a $75 fee rather than a night in jail.

Later that evening, I would actually regret all aspects of the event, but it's not like I woke up that morning seeking conflict. I'm beginning to think that the ticketing zealots are though - especially when they're sneaking up a $60 ticket on you for standing on the street for a mere minute. And I exaggerate you not as it was just last week, when my sister was making her way to the car when her eyes caught a rather conspicuous meter lady - maybe 4 feet tall - positioning herself away from my rear and side mirrors as she entered the license plate number into her meter device. She was trying to prevent me from driving off that sneak. By the time my bewildered sister arrived to ask her just what the hell she thought she was doing, the ticket had been printed, and handed it to her coldly. And, yeah, you can guess how my sister reacted. She was no me - not by a long shot - but she gave it to the meter lady just the same. But the woman wasn't hearing any of it: a minute or not, I had committed a traffic violation and I had to pay the price. My sister called her actions "cheap," but it was no skin off the woman’s back: she'd probably just met her quota for that day as she proceeded on with her ticketing journey. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the state of parking in Toronto. You can't even sit in the vehicle for one minute without being slapped with a ticket. It's absolute madness. The last time I was standing in a long lineup to pay a ticket - probably just a month ago - a rather amusing older lady was blaming all the ticketing frenzy that's overwhelmed the city on the socialist policies of David Miller. She even called him a communist. I laughed then, but now that I am thinking about it, what kind of socialism seeks to ticket Mercedes Benzes and a decade old Maxima equally? Well, I say to Mr. Miller: if the ticketing madness must continue, and we all wish it didn’t, then at least give progressive ticketing a try...